Angel is excited to be in a faith-based program for the first time. He has a renewed sense of peace and is healing from past trauma.

“I couldn’t kill myself, so I wanted the cops to come in and shoot me,” Angel said.

After years of turmoil, disappointment, heartbreak, and his mother’s death, an intoxicated Angel wanted to end his life. A fight with his father right before the incident was Angel’s breaking point.

“I was holding everything in for a long time and my anger just exploded. I grabbed a shotgun. I was really drunk, so angry. I told my dad that he killed my mom. (She died in a car accident with Angel’s father at the wheel). I remember he got really sad, there were tears in his eyes. … And he said, ‘I just want you to know, I don’t like who you are.’ I said, ‘Fine. I’ll make sure you’ll never see me again.’

“I called the cops myself, told them I had a firearm and meant harm, then fired it. There was a 7-hour stand-off, but I knew I had to turn myself in. Since that day, I haven’t spoken to my father.”

Angel was sentenced to prison. His lawyer worked to grant him Mental Health Diversion, a California program that allows a person to receive treatment instead of criminal prosecution and jail. For two years, Angel remained sober and completed the necessary requirements. However, the courts declared Angel had to do another year of outpatient treatment.

“I was doing so good, I was sober, I went through therapy, classes, all of it. I did all that I needed to do, and more, and it felt like it didn’t matter. Then I lost my job, and my sister told me she didn’t want to have a relationship with me. I felt like everything I had done was for nothing.

“I felt like I was never going to be good enough for the court, my family or myself.”

Angel relapsed. He started using methamphetamines and within six months, Angel was hooked. “It brought me to a place where I knew I was going to die,” Angel said. “But I realized I was being selfish and childish. I needed to get my life on track.”

Angel came to the Mission. “I’ve never done a faith-based program like this,” Angel said. “I was eager to come here. Christ is being put in front of me, telling me the door is open. He’s taught me peace. That’s one thing I lack. I’m an angry person, a hurting person, I have a lot built-up.

“But I was meditating the other day and talking to God, telling him how I don’t have my family, no desire to use the gifts He’s given me, that I lost the drive I had. I heard, ‘I was always supposed to be your drive.’ I knew that was the Holy Spirit. It was a gut-shot. I’ve been using the wrong things to drive myself.”

After graduation, Angel plans to keep God in his life. As for his family, Angel is hopeful for reconciliation, but understands it may not happen. “My family has a right to feel how they feel. Sometimes, you don’t get to give amends. It’s about taking accountability and responsibility. But I do want to make my dad proud. He deserves to know he did a good job with his son.”