Desiree hopes to work for the Mission in the future.

Desiree struggles to describe her difficult childhood. “It was very … dark. It was sporadic as far as stability. It was a lot of bouncing around to friends and family.”

Her mom, who had her at 16, was a heroin addict and in and out of prison. “She wasn’t really present for most of my childhood,” Desiree said. “When she was, I felt like I was in the way of her addiction. Needless to say, that didn’t change the fact that I always just wanted my mom.”

At 7, Desiree moved in with her grandfather, but she says it was too late for much to change. “Because of the things that happened to me when I was a child—I had been abused over and over again by people who were family and supposed to love and protect me. I struggled with that, and it led to depression.

“I was very suicidal for a very, very long time. I didn’t understand what was going on with me. I was a teenager—I had all these hormones. I just remember feeling alone. I started running away.”

When a friend of Desiree’s mom offered her drugs, Desiree was eager. “It was just enough for me to get hooked,” she said. “I remember thinking it was the coolest thing. I stopped going to school and I was hanging with the wrong crowd. I remember thinking it was so fun, and I was feeling happy and living life. I lost weight and started getting attention I wasn’t getting prior.”

Desiree eventually started using with her mom.. “It was like being seen, but still not being seen,” Desiree said. “Things got bad. At one point, I remember telling (my mom) that I was going to kill myself. She said, ‘You won’t do it. You’re too weak.’ That really broke me. I was just crying out for help.”

Desiree became addicted to heroin, and last year, she even entered the Mission’s new women’s program. “The night before, I was packing, but I thought I needed to get high one more time,” she said. “My husband was using too. He went first, and he ended up overdosing. He went blue and was unresponsive. I called the paramedics and they (administered Narcan). We went to the hospital and they brought him back. I still came to the Mission the next day.”

Despite her commitment, Desiree said she wasn’t ready yet for true change. “It was hard to leave my dog and my husband who had almost died the night before. I came home four days later. But of course, nothing had changed.”

The fighting and toxicity in her relationship drove her away from her husband, but not back to the Mission. “I met someone who lived in the riverbed and I decided that’s where I wanted to go. I love nature. I wasn’t fighting with someone constantly. I thought, ‘This is perfect for me. Why didn’t I come down here sooner?’

“But eventually people started to show their true colors. Desiree befriended someone who nearly got her into a human trafficking situation. She was frightened and had had enough. She was ready to return to the Mission.

“The love of God has really saved me, especially now with all I’m learning,” she said. “When I first came in, I thought, ‘Oh, it’s a faith-based program, I’m going to have to do X-Y-Z. But honestly, those X-Y-Zs are what’s saving me. I haven’t had the urge to smoke  a cigarette or get high or go drink. I haven’t thought, ‘I need my dog,’ or ‘my husband,’ or ‘I need to leave.’ I’ve found the love I’ve been missing through Christ.”

In the last few months, Desiree says she’s become a new person. “I feel like the old Desiree has died and the new Desiree has been born again. I see God working in my life. I believe. I want more. I have this thirst and this hunger for Christ. I’ve never read the Bible before; I’ve never known God like I know Him today.

“I love my church, I love my accountability partner, I just love life. Nothing is going to stop me. I deserve this more than I’ve deserved anything ever in my life. The devil can try, but he’s not going to succeed.”

Desiree wants to encourage anyone in need to come to the Mission. “There are so many people out there that want help and don’t know where to get it,” she said. “I know I wasn’t the only one out there, on the depths of desperation, no longer wanting to live because it seemed like there was no way out. … I just desperately need people to know that there is hope and God loves them.”